Men & feelings.
Two things you think might not go together. But news flash men have feelings.
Crazy thought huh, but if you are reading this you know you do. You might never share them under any circumstances, numb them away with drinking, sex, or drugs, or just pretend they don’t exist.
How is that working out for you? I am going to guess not well or else you wouldn’t be here.
After watching the mask we live in (check it out here!) I felt a strong pull towards working with men.
From the time you were little you hear things like, “Don’t cry. Man up. Don’t be such a girl.” And worse. Am I right?
The only acceptable emotion men are taught to show is anger.
So you walk around terribly angry, mad, annoyed with everyone and everything. Then you make friends and you think to yourself, finally maybe I can open up about some of these intense feelings I am having. Think again. You get together with friends and let me take a guess of what you talk about, sports, sex, and more sports. Back to square one. All these feelings bottled up just dying to get out.
You probably equate talking about your feelings with vulnerability and the last thing you want to be is vulnerable. Vulnerability equals weakness and the absolute worst thing for any man is being known as weak.
The author and shame researcher, Brené Brown, help shed some light for me on what it might be like for a man living in this world. She interviewed hundreds of men.
Below are some of the excerpts of what they said when talking about shame and vulnerability:
“Revealing any weakness is shaming. Basically, shame is weakness.”
“Shame is failure. At work. On the football field. In your marriage. In bed. With money. With your children. It doesn’t matter. Shame is failure.”
“Women would rather see us die on top of that white horse than to be forced to watch us fall off it.”
Excerpts from I thought it was just me, but it isn’t by Brené Brown.
Let’s tackle this shame and vulnerability thing together.
Online counseling for men in Texas.
What goes on in therapy?
- Yes I am going to ask you to talk about feelings and yes you might cry. But guess what? This is what it means to be human. We are made to feel and we are made to cry no matter what your family taught you.
- Let me help you get to a place where you see vulnerability as the ultimate strength and an act of tremendous bravery.
- Let’s flip the script. You don’t have to walk around so angry. You can break out of the box.