There are some days you are so far gone you are not sure you will ever get out of feeling so sad, so numb, so helpless, and hopeless.

Maybe it looks like not being able to get out of bed, maybe it looks like sleeping for 10+ hours and still feeling tired, maybe you feel numb and disconnected from the world. Or maybe you go about your day with a smile on your face, going through the motions, doing what needs to be done, trying to be the best employee, student, partner you can be, but there is something inside that gnaws at you.

A sadness you try to push away with distractions, noise, people, food, being busy all the time.

Even in the happiest of moments, you struggle to feel real joy.

This worries you and you wonder to yourself if you are truly capable of loving your partner, child, or others. You might say to yourself, is there something wrong with me, something broken, to where I can’t feel joy. (Spoiler alert. There is not!) It is almost as if you want to feel a 10 on the happiness scale and know the moment warrants extreme joy but you just can’t quite get there. There is something holding you back from completely giving in to the joy. Joy is vulnerable and vulnerable people can be hurt. You don’t do vulnerability. But trust me vulnerability is sure doing you.

Maybe you can’t stop and be still because the silence is too much to bear and will bring to the light the darkness you are fighting hard to keep at bay.

Online counseling for depression in Texas.

Maybe you have been so cut off from your emotions you no longer know what you feel. When we are a stranger to our own feelings it is hard to connect with the feelings with others. This leaves you lonely and you find it difficult to feel close to others even though you desperately long for that close connection.

You are tired of being afraid of your emotions. You may not know what to do but you know you want to stop living like this. You want to be feel emotions but not be overwhelmed by them. You want to be content. Not jumping up for joy shooting sparks from your butt, but content, maybe even good.

You want to be seen by others, truly seen. and you want to feel full connected to others instead of like there is some invisible plexi glass between you and the world. You want to have a relationship, maybe even fall in love.

In therapy the hope is you:

  • Feel safe, supported, heard, and understood. When this doesn’t always happen (which it won’t because I am not perfect), I hope you will have faith enough in our relationship to let me know. And when I circle back and apologize and discuss, my hope is you learn relationships can be safe and healing. Remember relationships hurt but also heal.
  • Learn to turn towards your sadness instead of pushing it out or numbing it. Understand it won’t last forever (although it sure might feel like it!) and eventually it will pass.
  • Feeling more connected in your body and movements whether this is by exercising and feeling your body’s strength or being able to identify your feelings based on your body’s sensations. Our bodies keep the score as they say and are the first to tell us something is going on.
  • Being able to experience joy. Pure full heart joy. Smiling ear to ear. Laughing a deep belly laughing. Being taken back by something you are tasting. Soaking in a six second kiss. Breathing the sweet sweet smell of your baby’s head. Kicking ass in a presentation and relishing in your victory.
  • Ultimately feeling worthy. Understanding vulnerability isn’t weakness but strength. Asking for help is a-okay. Letting people in and sharing your feelings, although incredibly scary, also feels good to be truly seen.
  • Knowing and practicing how being kind to yourself gets you a lot further than beating yourself up all the time. Speaking to yourself as you would to someone you care about.

Wondering what being kind to yourself looks like?